Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
