i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
