she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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