you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
