Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
