am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
