fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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