You smell like stripper and shame
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
