You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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