Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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