I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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