there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
