I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
