and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
