I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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