So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
