My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
