well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
