when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
time to smoke my breakfast
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
