Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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