i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
What a dumb baby whore.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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