Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Still dying that you shit outside
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
