I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Say something about gay babies.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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