i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
