did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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