This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
