woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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