M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
