he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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