it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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