I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize