Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
