Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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