We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
