When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
