No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
