Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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