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I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
