He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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