I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
