I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
