You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
