all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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