I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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