It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize