...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
