Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize