Nicole vs. Life
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
