Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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