gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
