That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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