she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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