I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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