Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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