1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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