She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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