so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I could make wine with my vomit
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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