So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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