Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize