Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
