Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
