just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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