Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize