I'm going to jail i love you
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
