My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
