my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
barbara walters just said penis...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
