Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
